Saccades Project

“Doppelganger,” Twin Peaks Week, Part 2/8

Setting: Two children, identical twins, a boy and a girl, approximately seven years old, are standing in the aisle of a Walmart, staring.

I started screaming. Ohmygod, when he said, that—the midget or little person, whatever—when he said, Doppelganger!, I started screeching. And then, when Laura Palmer started screaming, I started screaming, Ohmygod, it was the scariest thing I’d ever seen, I swear. It was like The Exorcist, but without the puke. And midgets. So scary, though, ohmygod.

Look, I said, showing Karen and Cam my arm, because the hair was standing on end.

You know it’s bad when the G-man runs, Cam said, agreeing with me.

Karen held up her finger, because she had something in her teeth. She made popcorn, kettle corn. It’s this sweet-and-salty popcorn she made, but not the microwave kind, the real kind. With molasses and sea salt. We’d paused between episodes, and Karen went to the other room. When she came back, she was holding up dental floss.

Ugh, thank you, I said, taking it from her.

What do you think? Have we converted you? she said, smiling.

I nodded, just completely blown away, you know. I mean, I was still shivering, it was so scary. Then I started laughing, because for some reason, I couldn’t help thinking what RayRay would say, if I showed him Twin Peaks. My mom’s boyfriend, Raymond, I mean. He’d hate it.

What’s funny? Cam asked.

No, I was just thinking how Raymond would react, if he saw this.

Karen smiled, and she said, Cam’s father wasn’t a fan.

No?

No, she said. First date, in college, we went to see Eraserhead. He fell asleep. Snoring in the theater. He said it was the worst movie he’d ever seen, and I was so heartbroken, I almost didn’t go out with him again.

But you did, I said.

Of course. He was hot, she said, and Cam nodded, not wanting to talk about his parent’s dating in college. You better get Thea home, she said, looking at the clock on the mantel.

When we got in the car, he said, What did I tell you?

You told me, all right, I said.

You really like it?

Yeah, I said. Can’t you tell?

No, it’s just you don’t say much, he said.

I don’t know, I said, not knowing what else to say for myself. I started to speak, and then I stopped again.

Go on, he said. Say it.

The thing is, I never know what to say, really.

What do you mean? he said.

I mean, how do you talk about these things?

Well, you say what you think, he said.

No, what i mean is . . . I don’t know, I just always feel like there’s a right way and a wrong way. Like when your mom asks me what I think, I get all tongue-tied, because . . . I guess because when you read about it, like art magazines and all those magazines your mom has about art and film, whatever, they sound so smart. When I look at them, when I try to read them, I have to think about the words, not the painting or movie or whatever. For me, it takes me away from it, not closer to it. That’s just now how it feels for me, when I’m watching something like Twin Peaks, you know? I don’t say anything because I don’t want to sound stupid, is all.

Thea, you never sound stupid.

You mean that?

Well, sometimes, when you intentionally sound stupid, sure, he said.

Thanks.

I’m teasing, he said, looking at me.

I watch movies to let them take me somewhere I’ve never been, and the books are just like, I don’t know. Like the difference between reading a manual and having a camera in my hands. Who wants to read a manual?

I love manuals, he said, pulling into the parking lot in front of my house.

Case in point, I said, nodding. I couldn’t help laughing, until we pulled up front, and speak of the devil, who’s standing there, getting out of his car, but Raymond.

Cam rolled down his window, and Raymond leaned in: Hey, there, you two, he said.

Hey, I said, trying to be polite.

What are you two up to?

We were just hanging out, watching some DVDs.

Anything good?

Twin Peaks, I said.

Twin Peaks? Never heard of it.

You’d love it, I said.

What’s it about? he said.

This high school girl from a small town who’s found dead in a plastic bag, and then all this strange shit starts happening, I said.

Raymond balked, standing up, and then he tried to recover. Huh. I’ll have to check it out sometime, he said, and I knew he wouldn’t, so I said. You’ll love it. Thea, you coming in? he said, and I said, In a minute. I’ll tell your mom you’re here, he said, and I said, thanks, under my breath.

We sat in the car, watching Raymond walk up the stairs, weave around the side of the building, and then walk over and knock on our door. My mom opened the door, and he went inside, but we just sat there, in Cam’s car, looking at the front of our building. It wasn’t really an apartment building, it was way more like a roadside motel, the kind with a second floor. The parking lot had big lights, and the way they shined on the building, the light and shadow, it was very Twin Peaks. Or maybe it just made me feel better to think that, to find something cinematic in a picture that usually depressed the hell out of me.

What’s on your mind? Cam said.

I’m feeling it.

What’s that? he said.

My DNA is changing, I said. I held it together for like two seconds, and then I burst out laughing.